Worthless
by Sleeping Soul
Summary: "My blood seemed to freeze inside of me...there is no cure for my disease..." One-shot. Seifer POV.


Disclaimer - Guess what! I do not own Final Fantasy VIII. But I'd like to pretend I do.  
  
  
  
  
Notes - I was in the mood for some good, old-fashioned angst...I'm not the best at it, but I tried. Set during the last battle of disc two. And it's a pity, I always try to format my stories nicely, but it'll never stay when I try to upload to ff.net. And when I use html it doesn't work. So now I am doomed to fics without italics, bold, and all that good stuff. I am a suffering artist...yeah okay I'll let you get onto the story now.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Oh, you guys shouldn't have...I was gonna come visit you at my old home." Damn it, Squall, you just had to bring them along, didn't you? Rinoa. Quistis. Squall in the middle...they're both under his spell.  
  
"Shut up."   
  
I will never.  
  
"Did you guys come to fight Matron? After all she's done for us?"  
  
She's looking at me strangely. Sizing me up, perhaps? Her eyes are so cold, she shouldn't be here right now. She's so pale, I wonder if she is sick. She's not as sick as me.  
  
My disease can't be cured.  
  
"Instructor Trepe, I'm still one of your dearest students, aren't I?" I see some brief flicker of emotion pass over her stoic face, it was gone in a whisper. She coiled her whip around her hand-is that a new model? It looks sleeker, more deadly.   
  
"Not anymore."   
  
I look her dead in the eyes - what is this bull? Not anymore? I never was. I only wanted to be. She looks back steadily, accepting my challenge. Her gaze broke away first, moving to rest on Squall's tensed frame. Always Squall.   
  
I look to Rinoa. She is biting her lip, digging a heel awkwardly into the ground. So much the child in her, didn't I teach her anything? Quistis was my Instructor. I was Rinoa's. I was obviously a pretty shitty one.  
  
"Rinoa, what are you doing here?" I asked, softly. Her eyes snapped up from her boots, they were doe eyes, so big and scared. I knew what she was doing here. Squall. Squall. Squall. "You're gonna fight me too? Come on, remember a year ago we-"  
  
"Stop it!" she choked out, wrapping her arms tightly around her stomach. Squall's eyes flashed, he unsheathed his gunblade. I feel a smirk lock into place on my lips.  
  
"It's too late Seifer," he growled, taking a fighting stance. Rinoa reluctantly followed suit. Quistis gave me one last, pleading glance before she uncoiled her whip, bending her knees defensively. "You can't mess with our minds. To us, you're just another enemy, like one of those monsters."  
  
A laugh tore itself from my chest. It sounded strained and maniacal even to my own ears. Quistis winced. I watch a tear slide down Rinoa's left cheek.  
  
"You're comparing ME to one of them?" I bellowed, then giggled insanely. Then I instantly went serious, holding up Hyperion and twisting my upper lip into a sneer. "I ain't no monster. I'm..."  
  
What...was I?  
  
"...the sorceress' knight. And look at you. Attacking like a swarm. You guys are the monsters."  
  
Quistis twirled her whip, bringing it to the ground with a loud crack; signifying the start of the battle. I felt music, pumping in my veins like a drum. Would their blood soon stain my gloves, my hands? I...don't...care. Rinoa is casting Thundaga on me, it doesn't do much damage but I am hurt nonetheless. She betrayed me.  
  
"Let's go after them monsters!" I sang, choosing Squall as my first victim. I slashed him diagonally on the chest. He gasped in pain. "Show me what you got, Squall. I'll show you who's the better man!"   
  
Squall shuts his eyes, taking a breath and extending a palm. The three of them shimmered and then disappeared entirely as Leviathan appeared. Wave after wave crashed into me, trying to drown me. I was swept off my feet, crashing face first to the ground. I hold my breath as long as possible, waiting for the water to drain. My lungs burn.  
  
Finally, the water disappears until I am lying in a shallow puddle of water. I stagger to my feet, drenched coat weighing me down. But I refuse to take it off. I smooth back a few strands of hair that had fallen into my face, and grin at the trio. I feel rage-and power-bubbling up inside of me. My limit break. I perform it flawlessly.  
  
Rinoa looks hurt, I almost feel remorse. I notice her lip is bleeding, she makes no move to wipe it off. The frightened deer look is gone from her eyes, they are now nothing but chocolate slits, slivers of anger. Her projectile weapon bites into my skin. Her aim is good.  
  
"Is that all you got?!" I laugh at her, shaking my head unbelievingly. "I can't be beaten."  
  
Quistis was the only one who had made no move to injure me. Squall had apparently noticed this too, and was looking at her warily from the corners of his eyes. She remained tall and stately, collar yanked up proudly around her neck. It's a wonder that the thing hasn't choked her yet. I want to taunt her. The words won't come. I'll have to shock her into action.   
  
I hold out my hand, alarmed to find that it was shaking. I close my eyes so I won't have to look at it. The word rolled off my lips as a whisper, not the usual way I bellow out attack spells.  
  
"Firaga."  
  
She stumbled, taken by surprise by the line of fire coming towards her. The flames licked at her feet, pretty soon engulfing her. As the fire died down, she brought her fist to her mouth and had a coughing fit. She always had been susceptible to fire. Dark smudges of soot stained her pale skin.   
  
Time seemed to slow down as our eyes locked. I had broken down her reserve. A cold smile pulled at the corners of her mouth. She coiled her whip and attached it to her belt. She stretched her arms upwards, then quickly down, crossing over her chest. Then she bent her knees, pushing both hands out towards me.  
  
My blood seemed to freeze inside of me. I could see my breath in the air. A tiny icicle was forming on the tip of my nose. I'm so cold. I hate the cold. There is no cure for my disease.  
  
I sank to my knees.  
  
Defeated.  
  
"This can't be! Why?!" I was horrified as a strangled sob escaped my throat.  
  
"Worthless child," Edea snorted, climbing to her feet. She remained silent through the whole ordeal. My mother. My sorceress.  
  
I'm a child...just a child. Another sob wants to break out of me, I manage to hold this one back. Worthless. Worthless. The floor is so cold beneath me.  
  
A line of blood is running down my chin, forming a tiny puddle on the sleeve of my coat. Cold blood. Worthless. All the blood I shed, worthless. I shed it for my mother. My mother doesn't care.  
  
The three SeeDs are gathered around me, I struggle to put a name to their faces now. There is the male, looking down at me in an almost disgusted way. A cute brunette, face crushed, pale hand clutching a necklace. My student. A slim blonde, pushing a chunk of hair behind her ear. Tall boots. Morose, intelligent eyes. My breathing is becoming haggard now, my vision going out of focus. My instructor. She sinks to her knees, placing a cool hand to my forehead. My head still nestled in the crook of my arm, I look up at her pleadingly. Like a child. Worthless.  
  
She closes her eyes and chants. I feel my blood warm up, start flowing easily through my veins again. A sudden wave of feeling rushes into my hands and feet, I hadn't realized they'd fallen asleep. My head and vision clear.  
  
Squall. Rinoa. Quistis.   
  
Rival. Lover? No, never lover. Student. And finally...Instructor.   
  
Quistis bends to my ear, I struggle to make out her words.  
  
"We'll finish this," she said, with an air of honest certainty that I envied. From the corner of my eye I noticed Edea roll her eyes, raising a slim, gloved arm. She disappeared, I knew where she was going. The auditorium. She'd succeed where I have failed. I am worthless. But I will stand. I will protect my lady. We will fight these...monsters. Together. Mother...  
  
Squall and Rinoa already started to walk towards the elevator. Quistis continues to kneel by me. Her smile is calm, soothing. She'd...make a good mother. Suddenly I cough hoarsely, making my chest ache. She tries to rub my back, why is she doing this? I glare at her with a bit of my old defiant nature.  
  
"There's no way you guys can beat her."  
  
With that she opened her mouth to reply, but shut it and shook her head angrily. What a worthless thing to say, I chuckled to myself. Offended by my comment and laugh, she climbed to her feet. Suddenly I want her to stay.  
  
I turn my head, still resting it on my arm. Confidence was etched into every line of her stride, yet she was modest. Never flaunted her power as I did. Squall awaits her at the elevator with a grim look. Rinoa was holding an arm, looking pensive. The three boarded the elevator, turning just as the door closed. Then they were gone.  
  
I stagger to my feet, still feeling a little dizzy. I already know this place like the back of my hand. I'll find a short cut. I will protect my sorceress no matter what the cost.  
  
...Worthless. 


End file.
